Letter to an American Hero

 

This year marks the 150th anniversary of the start of the Civil War.  Before that major event, there was another war that got the wheels turning to make what we now call America.  The American Revolutionary War last from 1775 - 1783.  Numerous figures played a major role on and off the battlefield during it's time span: Samuel Adams, George Washington, John Adams and Paul Revere to name a few.  For my Tuesday Talks, I'd like to focus on a person who participated in a major event that lead to this war against England for independence.  Little is known about Crispus Attucks and those other four men who died during the Boston Massacre on March 5, 1770.  If given the opportunity, what would I have asked this American hero?   Dear Mr. Attucks,   You were the first person to die in what we now call the Boston Massacre.  You were a runaway slave who died amongst fellow Bostonians.  What was life like for you in Massachusetts?  When did you realize you didn't have the same rights as non-blacks?  We know more about the life of slaves from southern states, but not so much those in the north.  Though the north abolished slavery before the south, they to at one time allowed slavery across their lands.  I read somewhere that you had an alias and eventually escaped the mainland as a harpoonist on a whaling ship.    Where you aware of the mounting tensions between the colonists and the British?  How did you remain free for so long without anyone willing to turn you in for a reward?  I also read somewhere that you had a sister that remained in Massachusetts.  Did you fear for what could have happened to her?  Lots of runaway slaves fled to Canada.  Did the thought of leaving the colonies and heading to Canada cross your mind?   What most people probably would like to know most was what lead you to be on that particular street on March 5th.  There are conflicting stories of what actually happened that night.  Some say you struck a British soldier first.  Others say you did not.  Did you know the other men who died with you that night?  Regardless of the specifics, three of you were dead on the spot.  Two others died later.  Due to your deaths, a spirit of unit for a common cause ignited the desire of freedom for all.  How does it feel to have played a major role in history not just for your generation, but for generations hundreds of years later?  Do you think your actions went in vain considering what happened in the Civil War?   Thank you Crispus Attucks, Samuel Gray, James Caldwell, Samuel Maverick and Patrick Carr for the ultimate sacrifice.   Cydania

Windy City Changes

Next week will be the end of an era for a political powerhouse and the start of a new beginning.  Richard M. Daley will end his tenure as Mayor of Chicago on May 16th.  He has been at the helm of this ship for a little over 22 years.  His father, the late Richard J. Daley, was Mayor of Chicago for 21 years.  As many of you have heard, President Obama's former Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel, will be Chicago's new mayor on May 16th.  Why did it take this long for change?  This week's Thursday Thoughts will be about term limits.   In my humble opinion, I believe 22 years for any political office is way too long: state, local or federal.  I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a native Chicagoan.  I'm not going to talk about voting records and policy.  I look at politics in terms of what's going on in a particular area or in the nation in general.  I believe lots of citizens fear change and vote for what they feel comfortable with.  This trend leads to incumbents being re-elected for several terms.  The status quo doesn't always gets us to where we need to be.    From what local Chicagoans tell me, they're happy with what Mayor Daley did to the Navy Pier area and Millennium Park area.  It does look beautiful, but I sense that was more for tourism.  As much as I've heard my few years in Chicago of people complaining about high taxes, cuts in programs, high crime rate, companies relocating to neighboring Wisconsin and Indiana and poor test results coming out of our local schools, Daley still got re-elected.    For the next election, I wish there would be a referendum on the ballot about an 8 year limit for all local and state offices.  No one can serve more than 2 terms (4 years equals 1 term).  If the president can be in office no longer than 8 consecutive years, I don't think a mayor or governor should be either.  I definitely think 6 years for a senator is too long, 2 years for a congress person is too short and a life time appointment for the Supreme Court is ridiculous.    If we have term limits, I think we'd get more younger people involved in politics and we'd have more new ideas brought to the table.  We need to evolve more as a nation. For those rare politicians who happen to be really good at what they do, step aside after your two terms and mentor the next generation.  In all honesty, I'm sure politicians would find a loophole and be back in the same spot four years later.    Cydania

A Talk With Mom

This past Sunday was Mother's Day.  As I wished many a Happy Mother's Day, I reflected back on memories of my mom, the late Sarah Waymer.  Mother's Day is a tough holiday for me.  I see lots of mothers and daughters attending brunch and doing other cool stuff.  My mom died 10 years ago this month.  In fact, she died a week after Mother's Day in 2001. 

I've been without my best friend for a decade.  It would be great to have an opportunity to sit down and have just an hour long conversation with my mom.  I'd love to catch her up on what has happened and ask her what I never had the chance to.  For this Tuesday's Talks, I have this dream conversation with my mom.

Dear Mom,

It's been way too long since we've chatted.  The last somewhat happy memory I had was us watching General Hospital from your hospital room.  My boss was nice enough to let me take a two hour lunch to visit you and to feed you since you didn't want to eat.  Cancer makes you lose your appetite.  You always enjoyed watching your favorite soap opera.  You'd be very pleased to know that it's still on and that Sonny got married.

So much has happened in the world in general and in my personal life.  Thank goodness you missed the horrific events of September 11, 2001.  If the Cancer hadn't done you in, the tragedy that struck the nation would have.  Thankfully we didn't know anyone who perished that day.  As an adopted New Yorker, I know a piece of you would never have been the same.

You passed away shortly before my first television episode aired.  I was trying so hard to get all the research and re-enactments done quickly, but things get caught up in post-production.  You missed my debut by a few months.  I remembered how you never wanted me to go into television.  Yet, you stood by me and became my greatest amount of support.  When I was having difficulty researching these true-crime cases, you were always a shoulder to lean on.

I also had my first boyfriend a few years later.  It lasted for a few years, but you never had the opportunity to see me bring a date home.  I wonder if you would have liked him.  As I recalled, you wanted me to marry a reverend.  You told me to stay away from jocks.  Okay, I've gone out with a few of those, but you were right in the end. 

Mom, you always told me to go out and explore.  That I have.  Not as much as I wanted to.  I've gone on a cruise to the Caribbean, Toronto, numerous US cities and a few cities in Spain.  Traveling is very liberating and humbling.  I can't wait to head back out.  I still have the travel bug.  Hopefully one day I'll reach two of the cities you always wanted to visit: Honolulu and London.

As you predicted, I ended up in Chicago.  Don't know if that's a blessing or a curse.  It's different from the east coast.  I think you had a crazy idea I was going to be the next Oprah.  That's probably why you thought I'd end up in Chicago.  Since I've been here, hardly any friends or family have visited me.  I get by as I can.  Traveling back east, writing and long phone calls help. 

I'd like to think we had a good relationship when things didn't involve my education and upbringing.  When we were just talking it was more like a sister-sister relationship.  There were a few things I would have loved to ask you that I never did.   

I know it was considered taboo back in the 70's to have a kid late in life.  You never thought that you would have kids.  What was going through your mind when you found out you were expecting me? 

You always got upset when there was any mention of wars or anything disturbing involving our military.  I know you were very upset when your brother Linwood lied about his age, joined the US Navy and then got killed at sea a few weeks before WWII ended.  What was Uncle Lenwood like?  I know you were young when he died.  Grandma doesn't like to talk about it.  I vaguely remember hearing you tell me about that horrific day when representatives from the Navy showed up to your home and informed you of what happened.  You said grandma let out a deathly scream.  You also told me he was a good guitar player.  I'm studying guitar now. Maybe one day I'll take up piano like you did.  Uncle Lenwood looks exactly like you.  Grandma still has a picture of him in his Navy uniform hanging in the living room.

You know kids always want to please their parents.  What were some of your proudest moments involving me?  I would think it was the times I played my violin, graduation and awards night.  To a mom it could be just being a good kid and not getting in trouble.

I remember Sunday, May 20, 2001 very clearly.  You died shortly after I left the hospital.  Per dad's request, he wanted me to go home, get some rest and come back later.  I found out you died in his arms sometime during my commute back home.  I always wondered if you were upset with me for not be there.  Till this day, I still can't discuss that day with my dad. A part of me believes you knew you were going and didn't want me to see you suffer anymore.  That was how you were.  You always cared about someone else more than yourself.

I'll close by asking if there was anything you wanted to tell me, but didn't have the chance.  We all feel that we have plenty of time left to say what we want to.  In reality we're only on this Earth for a short time.  Until we meet again.

Your daughter,

Cydania

Dating Tips for the Alpha Female

Welcome to my second installment of Thursday Thoughts.  As several of you may know, I've been single for about five years.  Though I've read a few dating books and dating blogs, attended speed dating events, gone to singles socials and tried the well known online dating websites, I still haven't been able to really click with someone.  After so many unsuccessful dates, there comes a time when you can't keep saying it's always the guy's fault. I never really thought that.  I'm very guarded when it comes to dating for my own personal reasons.  I figured I had to start digging deep to see what I could be doing to turn off potential suitors.  I attended a two hour local dating seminar.  The advice I received was great!  I can't keep all this knowledge to myself.  There could be other fellow Alpha Females out there who could use this information. First the audience was given a broad definition of an Alpha Female.  She's one who likes to be in control and plan everything.  At times she's high maintenance & expects the guy to act/dress a certain way. She also tends to be non-flexible, very career oriented & very confident. Sound familiar? The panel said this is not what the majority of the men want out there.  I can clearly remember the gasp coming from the audience, including my mouth.  We professional women found nothing wrong with that description.  How can a man not want to date one of us?  We're strong, confident & intelligent women.  It was at this moment when we were all educated on the 8 Good Dating Behavior tips. These 8 dating tips make up the acronym S-O-F-T-E-N-U-P.  Be more feminine by softening up.  Guys don't want to date the female version of themselves was the key the panel stressed. S-Smile.  Even if you're having a bad day.  Show off those pearly whites and new lipstick. O-Open Arms( no crossed arms, it makes you appear closed off) F-Forward Leaning (show interest by leaning in/inching closer) T-Touch appropriately (the hand, the knee..aka flirt a little) E-Eye contact (no need to stare, a quick glance here and there, bat those lashes) N-Nodding (it shows you're paying attention) U-Undivided attention (no distractions, no textings, checking messages, etc.) P-Positive (do have confidence, but not cockiness & no attitude)

I also learned during this seminar that lots of women make the mistake of approaching the date like they're HR managers.  Don't interrogate the date.  Don't ask him right off the back, where he works, how big his house is, what kind of car he drives, when do you want to have kids, etc.  Try to dress more lady like and leave the power suits at home/work if you can.  You can always carry the jacket with you and bring a cute flirty top to change into before your date.  Don't wear too much makeup to the point the guy doesn't know what "you" really look like.  Makeup should enhance your natural beauty.   

For those that prefer online dating, a great photo, tagline and bio are your first impressions.  Don't chose a glamor shot or one of you all decked out to the nines.  That was my fault.  This gives off the appearance you're too high maintenance and intimidating.  If you're in a ballgown in a fancy banquet hall, you might automatically turn off a bunch of guys who feel they can't compete with that.  You don't want the guy to say, "She would never want to go out with me the 6th grade teacher.  She's looking for a CFO."  Have a great close up of you, looking natural and having a great time.  If you love sailing, a great shot of you at the helm of the boat would be awesome. For your bio, pick two or three adjectives about yourself and then briefly tell a story using those words. 

We women need to stop being picky.  Every guy is not going to be 6'0", have an MBA, be a world traveler, own a new condo and take home a six digit salary.  Your match might be 5'7", have an associates degree and not own a passport.  This is the guy who more than likely will call when he says he will, treats you like a queen, has set work hours and is happy as long as you're happy.  He's not the Alpha Male: basically the same characteristics as the Alpha Female. 

The final point the panel requested is that we women leave our inner CEO at home.  Lots of us are working and/or have advanced degrees and top leadership positions with our employers.  These strengths play against us in the dating world.  Some of us talk too much about our jobs, career goals, degrees we have, upcoming projects, etc.  Don't do that on a date.  Most men will get intimidated or they think she'll be great to hire, but not to date.  This is why you won't get asked for your number or why they will never ask you out for a second date.

I put the 8 Good Dating Behavior tips to use on a recent date.  So far so good.  We've both agreed to a second date.  I'd love to hear your comments/tips as well.  Happy Dating!!

Cydania

A Friend Till the End

There's a quote by Thomas Jefferson that says, "But friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life, and thanks to a benevolent arrangement the greater part of life is sunshine."    Today's Tuesday Talks is about friendship.  True friendship is very rare indeed.  I have the pleasure of featuring one of my dearest friends, Jackie, who has known me for over 20 years.  I must confess that being a friend of mine is no easy task.  I wouldn't say I'm a prima donna, but I do have a habit of relocating frequently.  This means Jackie has kept in touch with me annually for twelve moves covering four states to be exact.  I'm honored that she kept updating her address book with my information.  I hope she used a pencil.    To me, friendship means being there during times of joy and during times of sorrow.  Friendship is when one takes time out of their busy schedule to reach out to you and say hello.  Without further ado, let me introduce you to one of my besties: Jackie.   Cydania: How long have we been friends? Jackie: Fall 1989.    Cydania: Where did we first meet?  Jackie:   We met in the 8th grade.  We were probably in the same homeroom in 7th, but I didn't know you at all.  8th Grade you were in a few classes with me.  I think we became friends in English, Mr. Overmyer's class.  I sat behind you, alphabetical order :) Cydania: When you have a fellow classmate with a last name near the end of the alphabet, you will be near each other quite often.    Cydania: What does friendship mean to you?    Jackie: Our friendship... means alot to me.  You are one of my oldest friends dating back.  I admire your maturity at such a young age.  You are non-judgmental (at least you don't convey any judgment when I tell you things.)   Cydania:  Have we ever gotten in a dispute and not communicated with each other for a while?  Jackie: No, because you are not argumentative.  I would say there are times when we don't talk but that's more because of our busy lives and the fact that we don't live close to each other.   Cydania: Best friendship memories?  Jackie:  1) Hanging out, admiring the NYC skyline and having a drink at the top of 230 Fifth Avenue in Manhattan.   2) You visiting me in DC during my summer internship. We watched a preempted Mets/Yankees game at the ESPN Sports Zone. 3) Picking you up at LGA and going straight to the Mets game at Shea.  You changed in the parking lot while no one was near us.  Ha ha!   Cydania: What are some common interests we have?   Jackie: METS METS METS.  We are both big sport fans, plus we are like-minded Democrats and loved playing in the orchestra at school growing up.   Cydania:Why do you think we are still friends?  Jackie: I would say the wonder of email kept us close in college (when you moved out of state). I honestly don't think we would still be this close had it not been for that.. maybe i am wrong.  Plus, you are such a wonderful person and friend!  I love you!   I have many more friendship memories I could share about Jackie.  I remember the time we went to Philadelphia for our 8th grade National Honor Society trip.  After we toured the historical sites, I bought a huge Jordan Knight poster and couldn't stop grinning.  I still have those photos that I will not post.  Very bad hair day.  Don't laugh, NKOTB (New Kids on the Block) are touring this year.  Jordan is still the lead singer.   Another time, we went to Game 7 of the 2006 NLCS between the Mets and Cardinals at Shea.  We were all decked out in Mets gear except for that one Scott Rolen fan in our section.  The winner would go to the World Series.  I flew to NY for this game.  Even though Endy Chavez made an amazing catch in the outfield, we still lost.  That was a very sad & long drive back to Long Island :(   The most touching friendship gesture that Jackie did was when she drove down from NY to be with me days after my mother passed away from cancer.  Jackie was busy with her own responsibilities and college, but she felt that she needed to be with me.  That meant the world to me.  I was a complete wreck emotionally and physically.  Jackie comforted me and gave me the love and support I didn't even get from some immediate family members.  For that, I can't thank Jackie enough.   If you are fortunate enough to have one or a few really close friends, tell them what their friendship means to you.    Cydania

Save the Music ~ Enrich Your Mind

 We are a day away from the wedding of the century.  Instead of focusing this first feature of Thursday Thoughts on William and Kate, I want to discuss a matter that's near and dear to my heart: music education.

 

It seems that more and more school districts each year are canceling their music programs when it comes to budget cuts.  School boards don't get it that social studies, physical education and math are all equal when it comes to the overall success of a young student.

 

My first introduction to music was from my mom.  She was a talented singer and pianist though she never went professional.  She just won the majority of her school talent shows or came in first and second place.  Mom even offered to play the piano for some of her classmates who participated as well. 

 

I had my first musical performance in a Seventh-Day Adventist pre-school.  We sung Jesus Loves Me This I Know.  I remember destroying my doll collection trying to find the perfect baby Jesus for the performance.  Luckily for me, that wasn't the end of my musical experience when I enrolled in public school.

 

I was very fortunate to grow up in a school district on Long Island, NY where music education started young: 2nd grade.  Not only did we study the basic school subjects, we were required to be in chorus.  For those who couldn't carry a tune, we had simple musical instruments: triangle, cymbals, drums and tambourine.  The most exciting thing that happened to me was when an orchestra & band performed in my school's auditorium.  I don't recall if it was the principal or assistant principal, but we were told that the following school year we could learn to play one of the instruments on the stage.  I immediately fell in love with the saxophone and the violin.  After considering the pros & cons of each, I opted for the violin.  The violin sounded like a human voice to me.  With that, one could passionately play what they felt inside.  That started a life long love for the instrument and classical music in general.

 

Music education helps develops a child's mind & builds self-confidence.  Learning a new instrument takes dedication, it takes good math skills to be able to count the beats, it allows for creativity which comes in handy for improvisation exercises and it introduces you to team work or even a leadership position if you become the concertmaster/lead chair.  The benefits of studying music don't end there.  Students can also be introduced to other cultures via their musical instruments.

 

I hope future generations will be able to experience the joys of performing in a music ensemble while in school.  Don't let the talents of a future Wynton Marsalis, Hilary Hahn or Renee Fleming go undeveloped.  For those who played an instrument long ago and stopped, try to pick it up again, donate it or try a new instrument.  Wish me luck as a start my 8 week Guitar 1 class this Sunday!

 

Cydania

 

 

 

A Heart to Heart Talk With Myself

This year marks a big milestone for me.  I'll be turning 35 in the fall.  As I sit at my desk and reflect on what I've done with my life till this point, I see a fabulous highlight reel along with some major disappointments. 

 

Wouldn't it be great if we had the opportunity to go back in time and guide our younger self?  I think it would be pretty awesome!!  We could possibly be stopped from making a horrible mistake or be given words of encouragement to continue pursuing our goals even when it seems like it'll never happen.

 

My first Tuesday Talks blog will feature me talking to my 13 year old self.  As I recall, 1990, was a challenging year.  It's those awkward times as a new teenager when you're trying to find yourself and create your own identity.  I was also in the 9th grade, the first year of high school.  These are the times you should really focus on your school work and seriously consider a career path you'd like to follow.  Besides that, there's peer pressure, dating dilemmas, proms, drivers ed, college applications, SAT's and ACT's to name a few.  

 

Here is my advice to the timid, studious 13 year old Cydania as she prepares for her first day at North Babylon High School in New York.

 

Dear Cydania The Younger,

 

1. Please don't always keep your head in the books.  It's okay and encouraging to have a social life.  Compromise with your mother so you can go out and have fun with your friends once a week.  It's really beneficial to be social and people oriented.  This helps greatly as you get older and need to network or want to ask a cute boy out.  There's more to the world than the four walls in your house and in your room. 

 

2.  Cydania, carefully choose a career path.  Pick one with longevity, where there will be a constant need for your skills & one where you can make a difference.  Perhaps moms are right?  You've had really good grades, so no wonder she wants you to go in the medical, legal or educational field. 

 

3. As a well known goo-die two shoes, I'd say it's okay to be rebellious once in a while.  Have a little fun.  It goes back to living a little.  I'm not saying go ahead and do something completely stupid that will land you in jail or harm another person.  If you have a curfew, stay out a little later and see what happens.  Do find a pay phone and call saying you'll be late :)

 

4. Pay more attention in Science, Technology & Math classes.  You have no idea how cool it will be 20 years later to be a computer geek.  Atari has nothing on what the video game consoles of the future will be like. 

 

5. As an American, enjoy your youth and innocence.  It appears every decade or so there's something that defines that generation.  You'll remember where you were 50 years down the road when it happened.  Yours was probably the Challenger explosion.  There's a much greater danger ahead.  Continue to not be ignorant to worldly events & other cultures no matter how far away you are.

 

6. Be more family oriented.  I know I know.  Older people are not as cool as teenagers.  However, you do have a very hip 79 year old grandma.  You were one of a handful of grand-kids that didn't grow up near immediate family.  Try to visit those out of state more often, call, write and go to family reunions if possible.  You never know.  You might learn something or heaven forbid have fun.  There will always be delicious southern cooking :)

 

7. If there's only one suggestion you chose to follow, do your best to have more talks with your mom.  There's now a term for her: tiger mom.  It will be to your benefit to engage in mother/daughter talks and just enjoy each others company.  Talk about boys, how do you know when you're in love, how life was decades earlier and other stuff before it's too late. 

 

Your biggest supporter,

 

Cydania The Elder

 

PS-You better remain a Mets fan though dark days are ahead.  Don't worry about the Rangers, they'll win the Stanley Cup before you know it.